Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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