As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
