is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
