i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
