Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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