i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
