you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
