i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
