Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
