You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
