I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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