Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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