fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
