By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
