just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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