3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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