I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
