is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
