yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
