The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
