Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
