were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
