If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
