You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
