i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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