I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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