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It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
