I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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