I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
