You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
