I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
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They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
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DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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