so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
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I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
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all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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