Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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