Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
