All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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