everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
