You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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