Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
