my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
