It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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