his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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