my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
