I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
