she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize