Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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