Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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