i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
