If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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