god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
