Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
