dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
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I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
porn star boner night. come get it.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
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Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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