My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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