Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
