we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
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