**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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