By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
