Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Randomize
