I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
