Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
