That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Too much gin, very little bucket
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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