So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
