my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
