Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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