Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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