ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
