Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
