Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He kissed a someone with a penis
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
