she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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